Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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