Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk is not a location!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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