so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize