We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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