I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They took my balls.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
