Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was CRYING into my vagina
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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