it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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