He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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