Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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