I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
