She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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