Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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