Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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