How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
