she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The struggles of a small town man whore
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
