omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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