ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
