I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
