i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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