when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
