the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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