I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
