i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
