"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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