he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
