Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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