Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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