how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
