Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
