i think my tv is drunk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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