I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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