:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
