Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
