Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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