what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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