oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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