Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
