So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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