Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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