I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
