I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
