I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
