Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's even glitter on my cock...
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