That's intense
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
