Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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