come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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