Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
