woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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