she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this boner is exhausting
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
