thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
