So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
