yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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