Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
