Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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