I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
