i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
