I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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