I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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