david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Come see our sink grown plant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
