That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
