I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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