Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
