A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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