I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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