flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize