apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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