UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
