Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
