Dual....:-)
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
