Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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