Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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