Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
