i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
