i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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