she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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