Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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