onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
