We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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