I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
