The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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