hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
