I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
