party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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