If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
