So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
