He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
