If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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