I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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