It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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